4/20/21
I emailed my doctor.. Even now, as I type, I am deep in the recesses of my brain.
I am deep in my feelings.
I wish my feelings were at peace.
4/21/21
My doctor got back to me. I am one of many. I get it.
Their response was nice. It's hardly ever the case that only one set of eyes get to see my doctor notes. There are so many layers. So many people. Schedules filled. They were sorry my treatment wasn't working.
So am I.
They suggested I up my dosage. I gladly will. I want these uncontrollable feelings to stop. I almost felt human for three months. What is that? Rational comes to mind. The act of being able to stop. To think, see the impact of your words and actions and stop! Alas, I can't. It breaks my heart. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is debilitating. It robs me of the freedom to feel without hesitation. My feelings and perceptions can be destructive.
I almost made it all day with out letting the small things bother me. My mate said one wrong thing and I became so upset. I went grocery shopping to clear my head, something impossible the last two days. For me, PMDD comes strong AF AF and decreases as days go by. I hope tomorrow I feel more like myself. Fun, energetic, kind and compassionate. Lovable and calm.
I hope you are happy, healthy and carefree. Speak your beautiful truth. Rejoice in the small things. My truth isn't always beautiful, but I'm here sharing it in hopes it helps others with PMDD, or at least helps others realize how truly lucky they are in this world. Even with all the bad, I am lucky to express myself. Lucky to want to write.
What makes you feel lucky in life?
Have a wonderful day,
Kathy <3