Yesterday was a tough day. I looked for another word besides tough and that's the one I'm sticking with. I fought anger yesterday.
I feel anger in my chest. The familiar feeling is daunting. It's a trap. And why I step into it, I'm still working through.
I did my breathing exercises. I took time to change my surroundings, but the feeling I had was ever present.
I had things on my plate yesterday, laundry, a video appointment with my doctor and my two kids. I felt like I was doing too much. Doing all the work. The ego goes about this dance of why I do more. Everyone is doing their part. Working hard towards their individual goals.
The anxiety of trying to get the timing down and watching it all fall apart was also frustration inducing.
I wish I could tell you I fought and won.
But, it was more of a draw.
I got mad, I sounded mad, and probably shouted a few times. It was a feeling of getting angry but not jumping over the edge. My edge between rational and too emotionally frustrated.
I took inventory of the things that were making me feel angry.
Do you want a list? Why rehash, but I said I needed help. I can't do this alone, again, the kids, the chores, the food, damn, I made a list.
Ugh, whatever, point is, I said my frustrations without the anger, no shouting, just me asking for help because my fear is ME falling apart again.
I can't take that again. Just the thought of being sad takes me to low points, I don't want to see me fall apart, in a shadow, all alone.
Today, the day after, I feel like myself.
Something like yesterday would have taken away my passion, forced me to focus on my body and mind's depleted state from all the feelings. I am so thankful to write today. To feel.
I am afraid to feel. I'm afraid this will burst. But I'm fighting so hard. Meeting my goals. Learning to enjoy MY life.
Have a wonderful day,
Kathy