1.
Today is my first therapy session. I am nervous! I can't really believe I am here, at this moment.
It can be so incredibly hard to admit there is something wrong with you, within you. The burden I have is something you can't see and for some people it is difficult to understand.
I wish I could turn back time. Go back to high school, sometimes. Being an only daughter with a difficult mother-daughter relationship made it difficult to become a woman. Made it difficult to ask for help, or feel worthy. I don't blame my mother now, but for years I did. I had to learn to feel comfortable in my own skin, by myself. If I knew then what I know now, I'd be happier. I'd try harder. Leave earlier.
But you can't, so all I can do is find solutions that will help me a better mother to my children. To be there for them when they need me the most, and not make them feel like they aren't worthy of my time.
...
Session one went well. I've never spoken to someone outside of my life about my thoughts, feelings and family. It was interesting to hear her repeat what I said, in a way that made me reflect on my mother and my relationship towards depression. How easy it can be to fall back on what feels expected, natural.
It isn't easy to speak about this now, but I don't feel worse, and that feels real good.
Excited!
Love,
Kat