Therapy graduation coming soon

 Hi. 

Happy Winter Solstice. 

Happy return to the lovely winter months in the USA. I know this season is not easy for everyone. Sunny days are almost here <3

Reading the previous post was needed. I left in October because the session that followed that post was terrible. Asking my husband to write 'No' sentences turned into a fight. 

I don't want to get into him and how he feels, but his inner feelings crept in that day. It really messed with my mind. I cried the entire session that followed but it helped see myself more. Helped me see my husband as a flawed individual, like myself. His family dynamic was better than mine, but even they had situations that made for pent up feelings. We can all have that. Approaching life with less expectations and more understanding has helped ease frustrations.    

***

Since my last post there have been ups and downs.

More ups than downs. 

After many therapy sessions, I am graduating. 

My original therapy goal was to cry 4 or less days out of the week. 

A week, folks. 

I was a mess every other day. Picking up the pieces; exhausted by the constant negative talk. When she said my goal aloud, so many thoughts came back. I went back to those hidden files I  never wanted to see. Each time I cried, it felt like a new issue to tackle. A new thing to fix about myself. 

I have gone weeks without crying. That fact took me out of my thoughts and into reality. 

How much I have improved. 

Thank you for sticking with me. I always felt like I was running away, and I was. Things get too real, and I need a pause. This last time, nothing made sense. I had to detach and assess my life, my thoughts. I spent a lot of time on the couch, but I wasn't crying. It felt like I needed to sit and relax after years of my mind racing with thoughts and laments. 

I feel good. 

Around this time last year I came back to blogging. I am so damn proud of myself today. Feeling like myself each day. I was usually an ogre. PMDD is a bitch. But after all these years, I'm still the bader bitch :)

I hope you and yours are having the best of holidays. Have a wonderful new year!

Love, 

Kat

Planking update

Planking has transformed my body. 

The first month of Planks I was worried about my butt and my breasts getting smaller, but given my body type of square and no hips I was down for a change. 

Two months later, my body is gaining hips and my breasts look perkier. I have cleavage and my butt still looks great!

Last week I was finally able to hold a full one minute plank! After, I take a break, I usually sit, or rest on my knees for a few seconds. For the second plank, I typically last 60 seconds, then go into a downward dog to give my back and legs a quick rest and then resume the plank to finish it off. 

As a new challenge, I have incorporate "spider planks." I'm working towards that goal so for now I am gaining strength by doing plank mountain climbers. 

Plus, I've added 30 seconds of side planks and then finish off the minute with a regular plank (on each side). 

I end with calm breaths to relax my body.

I recently went to Walmart and I bought a purple dress, I bought it to lounge in the house during the hot Los Angeles weather. I typically wear a Large, but decided to purchase a Medium, since it was for lounging house and I wanted to look cute and not frumpy. 

I was shocked when the dress looked great. I bought more in other colors. My body usually carries most of the weight on my lower belly. Planks have helped bring in my waste, given me shape and boosted my confidence. I totally thing you should keep it up if you've started. If you haven't: It.is.never.too.late. 

Have a wonderful day!

Kathy

I love my city - A rant

I love my city. 

It's fantasy and reality all rolled into one. 

When I hear young folks wanting to come to California, for the beaches, the babes, the acting...I marvel at the fact that I am here. 

I've lived in Los Angeles for over 36 years. It has changed for the better and for the worse. 

Two years ago our South Central community was robbed of our nearest library. Instead, housing was constructed over where the library had stood for more than 30 years. The brutality of what happens in our inner city neighborhoods is deep cutting. Our children are robbed of knowledge for the sake of housing. Housing with a small number of apartments that will never do enough to house the many families that live here. 

I wish you could walk down the street to my son's school. Everything looks normal, until you see the buildings tagged with the garbage taggers write on walls. It makes our neighborhood look horrible. No one that lives in those buildings, that know those people that tag, do anything about it. I've contacted the school for help but there is only so much they can do, I've tried to speak to landlords, but they are not from the neighborhood and I honestly feel like they could care less. 

Change can happen slowly, but I know someday soon I'll hit the right chord and things will start to change in our little chunk of a big city. 

Last one, every day, for hours you hear mopeds go up and down our street. I called the police today. Enough, you know! My son will learn, dammit! He will not solely be the product of his environment. I will help him thrive. 

...There are kind people here. Hard working. Scared to speak up. Worried to loose whatever they have. Police don't always come, some have attitudes, some want your information and that intimidates many. I feel like its up to me sometimes and sometimes I let my problems just take over and derail me. But my city, where I grew up, where I taught, and where I live is a part of who I am! I don't just want to leave someday. I want to make it better. For my kids and their kids. 

To live and Die in L.A.,

Kathy <3

Change Your Environment, Change Your Mind

One of the strategies that helped me yesterday was to change my environment. I was stressing out about breakfast and having a teething three who was also hungry for food. Jazzy was making me feel angry. She has this beautiful way about her. She smiles and I melt. But I was becoming overstimulated by list of things I needed to do and the deadlines I was giving myself. 

I sent her to her toys, she was upset, but I went around my house, pink 10 year old bathrobe on, loose hair, full of loose curls and I opened all the doors, and cracked opened our windows. I let the sunshine in. It helped me take a deep breath and enjoy...life. 

I was able to overcome that instance of frustration. I was able to take one thing at a time. Put her in a high chair, give her toys, finish breakfast, get my son ready for zoom. 

I can't control others. I have to go with it and find ways to distract myself from what made me feel physically upset. Yelling is a harsh reality , it's not OK. I was like two personalities and them not knowing when I'd be upset. Who the heck wants to live that way. Not I. Not them.

So if you can, take a minute to open up your curtains, open up your doors and enjoy nature. 

I hope you have a great day!

Kat

2:20 my Favorite Part <3