Hi.
Happy Winter Solstice.
Happy return to the lovely winter months in the USA. I know this season is not easy for everyone. Sunny days are almost here <3
Reading the previous post was needed. I left in October because the session that followed that post was terrible. Asking my husband to write 'No' sentences turned into a fight.
I don't want to get into him and how he feels, but his inner feelings crept in that day. It really messed with my mind. I cried the entire session that followed but it helped see myself more. Helped me see my husband as a flawed individual, like myself. His family dynamic was better than mine, but even they had situations that made for pent up feelings. We can all have that. Approaching life with less expectations and more understanding has helped ease frustrations.
***
Since my last post there have been ups and downs.
More ups than downs.
After many therapy sessions, I am graduating.
My original therapy goal was to cry 4 or less days out of the week.
A week, folks.
I was a mess every other day. Picking up the pieces; exhausted by the constant negative talk. When she said my goal aloud, so many thoughts came back. I went back to those hidden files I never wanted to see. Each time I cried, it felt like a new issue to tackle. A new thing to fix about myself.
I have gone weeks without crying. That fact took me out of my thoughts and into reality.
How much I have improved.
Thank you for sticking with me. I always felt like I was running away, and I was. Things get too real, and I need a pause. This last time, nothing made sense. I had to detach and assess my life, my thoughts. I spent a lot of time on the couch, but I wasn't crying. It felt like I needed to sit and relax after years of my mind racing with thoughts and laments.
I feel good.
Around this time last year I came back to blogging. I am so damn proud of myself today. Feeling like myself each day. I was usually an ogre. PMDD is a bitch. But after all these years, I'm still the bader bitch :)
I hope you and yours are having the best of holidays. Have a wonderful new year!
Love,
Kat