A few thoughts on narcissism.
People don't want to see they are narcists.
I think it takes too much inner work.
So they see and pass through this world in a distorted way.
Some cry, get hurt and blame.
Others go about their lives like the other person just vanished.
There's more to it, but I can only relate to what I've experienced.
This is my first Christmas without speaking to my mom and dad. I decided months ago that I could not go about like I had for years; like it was all OK.
Seeing my Mom, stepping into the house was all so hard.
And after it was over I felt better, but it was cringe fest until the next time I had to communicate with them.
This year, I am so thankful not to feel the pressure of seeing them. For years I was dealing with so much baggage. And none of my family members know how far I have come.
Just trying to communicate gains and accomplishments felt like a lesson in who not to speak to.
A reason I decided not to reach out to them this holiday season was because they never reached out to me. Not my Dad, he just didn't speak to me. Or my Mom, who made everything about herself and refused to hear what I had to say.
But the other was if I called and they had presents for the kids they might want to bring them over. I don't want to see them. I don't want anything from them. I bought no gifts for them. My heart is heavy because I don't want to be they type of person that just stops trying, but my soul tells me its time to just let things be.
And I am.