My journey with breastfeeding hasn't been the easiest.
I just want to tell anyone that is breastfeeding and struggling...don't hate your breasts. Don't think this is your fault. Our journeys are a strange thing at times. Completely different from the majority. Not making enough breast milk is devastating, but so is giving into something you do not want to do. Even if you make enough breast milk, I say to you, it's ok not to breastfeed for 6 months or beyond. It's ok to say, no more. It's ok to put your mental health first.
When I tried to breastfeed with low milk production, it exasperated my post partum depression. It made me feel overwhelmed by the amount of things I was trying to just make a little more. I NEVER made over 2.5oz of milk in any breast. You cannot feed a child that way. But everyone cheered me on. I sat in silence, holding my boy, wanting for the fantasy of beautiful breasts full of free flowing milk.
By my second child I was more aware, I still tried to breastfeed the first day of her life. Asking for help always sounds the same, "You'll get it." "Don't worry, their stomachs are the size of marble." No one hears you when you divert from the norm. I fed her as much as possible, held her next to me and fed her. She cried. She slept. I was tired. Jazzy was peeing the right number of diapers. Thigs seemed fine.
We went home and decided to begin to bottle feed her, she was growing and demanding more. I was ready to help her stay healthy. During her first check up we were told she had developed a mild case of jaundice, but not to the degree my oldest had. We didn't have to admit her into the NICU. I'm thankful we started bottle feeding.
If I have a third child, I cannot have another jaundice diagnosis. I'm going to do what I see fit. I know my body, my history, my sadness. I know I will feed my baby from my breasts first, before the bottle. I know I may need a nipple shield. But I also know the wonderful benefits of infant formula.
Our stories, our past, must guide us in our future. Cry, feel your emotions and find solutions that work for you.
It's your journey, we just live in it <3
Have a wonderful day!
Kathy