Breastfeeding - an inner struggle (for some)

My journey with breastfeeding hasn't been the easiest. 

I just want to tell anyone that is breastfeeding and struggling...don't hate your breasts. Don't think this is your fault. Our journeys are a strange thing at times. Completely different from the majority. Not making enough breast milk is devastating, but so is giving into something you do not want to do. Even if you make enough breast milk, I say to you, it's ok not to breastfeed for 6 months or beyond. It's ok to say, no more. It's ok to put your mental health first. 

When I tried to breastfeed with low milk production, it exasperated my post partum depression. It made me feel overwhelmed by the amount of things I was trying to just make a little more. I NEVER made over 2.5oz of milk in any breast. You cannot feed a child that way. But everyone cheered me on. I sat in silence, holding my boy, wanting for the fantasy of beautiful breasts full of free flowing milk. 

By my second child I was more aware, I still tried to breastfeed the first day of her life. Asking for help always sounds the same, "You'll get it." "Don't worry, their stomachs are the size of marble." No one hears you when you divert from the norm. I fed her as much as possible, held her next to me and fed her. She cried. She slept. I was tired. Jazzy was peeing the right number of diapers. Thigs seemed fine.  

We went home and decided to begin to bottle feed her, she was growing and demanding more. I was ready to help her stay healthy. During her first check up we were told she had developed a mild case of jaundice, but not to the degree my oldest had. We didn't have to admit her into the NICU. I'm thankful we started bottle feeding. 

If I have a third child, I cannot have another jaundice diagnosis. I'm going to do what I see fit. I know my body, my history, my sadness. I know I will feed my baby from my breasts first, before the bottle. I know I may need a nipple shield. But I also know the wonderful benefits of infant formula.  

Our stories, our past, must guide us in our future. Cry, feel your emotions and find solutions that work for you. 

It's your journey, we just live in it <3

Have a wonderful day!

Kathy

Reading, and writing, and talking...

Learning to read is challenging. To learn each letter, each isolated sound, in order, and to eventually put it all together to read and to write is a powerful accomplishment!

Speech can also be difficult...

I took my three year old daughter to her yearly check up. I was surprised by her doctors words: "I am having a difficult time understanding her."

I recalled the times my mom asked me to relay my daughters questions. 

The times her other grandma looked at me, asking:

-Que dice? (What does she say?)

All the times I answered with out asking Jazzy to say it again. 

Her doctor referred us to a hearing specialist. 

The doctor asked me if I thought her problem was with her hearing or her speech. 

Her speech, I said.  She agreed, Jazzy passed all her hearing tests. 

Next was a visit to a speech specialist.

Turns out there were many difficulties in Jazzy's speech. Deletions of parts of words. Difficulties with letter sounds. Missing speech milestones she should have reached.

Last Friday we began Jazzy's first speech class. It was one-on-one via Zoom (video conference calls). It went well. Ms. Lori seems like a sweet woman. My Jazzy was engaged for about 30 minutes and after that she was all over the place. We sang songs to get her back on track. She impressed Ms. Lori with her eagerness to speak. "She has a lot to say, we'll get her there" she told me. 

She will. 

...

I called my mother to talk about Jazzy, she told me her sister, Lidia, also had speech problems as a child. All her mother, My grandma Graciela, could do was worry. In a small city in El Salvador, in Central America, no one could help her. No available health care. My grandmother and her young daughter were on their own. Thankfully by the age of 6 My aunt Lidia was speaking well enough to be understood. My mom said you couldn't stop her! Making up for lost time. 

My mother told me not worry.

Jazz and I always sang, said our abc's and read everyday. Our daily abc recital turned into dragged out letter sounds and a clear emphasis on our mouths, teeth and tongues. Speaking slower and expecting her to say certain things back to me. It's all push and pull. If I push too much she'll want to stop. The pull has to be in kindness and fun.

Jazzy is such a sweetheart. I already hear her sweet voice changing. She is moving her tongue and lips more than before. She is listening to beginnings and endings in words, repeating words with pride. Although it is not always like that. She gets mad and pouts. Says no when I ask her to repeat, no matter how kindly I ask. 

Crossing my fingers she can do her best for Ms. Lori and for Jazzy to continue to enjoy her journey in this world.

Say it loud and proud!

With love,

Kathy

Sewing

My three year old started using pillows soon after her 2nd birthday. I was unable to find pillow cases that fit travel pillows without a zipper. I bought a regular sized pillow case and cut and sewed so it became a mini pillow case. I have made three pillow cases this way, each one getting a bit better. 

I am not a sewer, I don't own a sewing machine, but I "tried" anyway. 

Hehe. Step by step madness bellow:

I'm sewing on top of a target bag, filled with Christmas shirts to wrap, and surrounded by snacks, because, kids. 

Don't let your not knowing stop you <3 Look it up (whatever YOU want to do) and learn.

Yeah, there's a bunch of puckering (bad sewing, uneven, without structure) but I made it with love. 

Here, I made a huge mistake, but I kept sewing, I said, "Let's see what happens."  I just ended up cutting the four inch piece of thread off, nothing to see there folks. 

Look at how bad my stitches are, I was in a race against myself, I wanted her to use it that night. But I was gentle with myself too, I ain't wonder woman, I cannot do it all.  

One of my finished products. 

Try it, babe! Try anything your hear desires. Do it with love and it'll be alright. And even if it turns bad, and you regret even starting that something, you grew from it. We grow from the good and the bad. Never give up. 

With love, 

Kathy 

Good Morning World!

After waking up, using the restroom and telling my kids to behave or no technology, I open my front door, and say, "Good Morning World!" 

Sometimes I whisper it, sometimes I say it louder, but I always try to make it a part of my day. 

If it is cold, I'll go to my kitchen window and say it. 

My three year old says it too, sometimes.

My six year old looks at me, smiles and goes about his day. He has asked me once or twice why I do it. I tell him it's because it's another beautiful day on Earth. 

Good morning ya'll :)

Love always, 

Kathy 

Amanda Kloots (AK!)

AK!

Amanda Kloots is a gentle soul. She shows her love and fierce desire to succeed in a humble, lovable way, while always remaining honest and vulnerable. She lost her husband Nick Cordero, to Covid 19 on July 5th 2020. Nick fought a tough fight! He loved deeply. Amanda's story of strength and perseverance has led the world to get to know her shining light. She was recently added to the panel on the talk show "The Talk." Amanda is also an accomplished fitness guru. The dancer was always a star, but her kindness and good vibes shine just as bright.

Amanda has a funny, sassy, firecracker of a sister in Anna Kloots. Together they put up a tutorial on Amanda's Instagram stories about repurposing wrapping paper along with all things Christmas and/or holiday. 

As a long standing habit, I repurpose most of the good stuff that's left over after unwrapping presents, I keep a lot. Last year though, I decided to hold on to a bit less. We bought wrapping paper at Ross this year. It took a lot of digging but I found what I thought was a gem of a bundle.  

I decided to repurpose a box of hair products for this project, bellow is a screenshot. I turned the box inside out and used the crisp white as a backdrop for Santa. 

                                                   

Here is said white box...

I used the phrases on this wrapping paper to go around the box's border.

I love cutting out cute things...

I used my son's glue stick to hide all the box's messy edges with the wrapping paper.

Finished product! (I'll take better pictures he he)

Ha ha!!! It isn't anything of greatness, but it had been a long time since I had felt creative. It was a big accomplishment (lol). It is tough to take time for myself. I don't do it. I ain't proud of it. 

Cheers to continued renewal :)

Have a wonderful day!

With love, 

Kathy

*Links are to social media and/or news articles :)

Car Trouble 2

Long story short, no Lemon Law for us. The car is not brand new, even though we purchased the car at a dealership, and added the Ford extended warranty, it was not the original warranty. Lawyers or their helpers were kind enough to guide towards the right direction(s)...fraud lawyer? Consumer protection? Sucky. 

At the mercy of the dealership is what they said. But that they will fix it because we entered into a contract. 

We are thankful the car is at the dealership and they will fix it, one way or another we will have a resolution. 

I think about all the folks getting stuck in similar situation with expired warranties. It's a shame some folks would have to pay out of pocket for a crappy car. A bad car. Imagine having to fix a transmission a second time in a span of 2 months. Geesh!

I hope you are having a wonderful day, that no worries come your way. 

-Kathy 

One oven, all problems

My oven is not hearing up properly. 

I found this out Thanksgiving 2019. It was my first time using the oven.

It went so bad, I threw the turkey away.

I got up early that thanksgiving morning, played music on my headphones. Rocking out, having a blast. Hours later we were scrambling to find fast food for our Thanksgiving Dinner.

This year, no turkey, over it. But I did get an oven thermometer. Turns out my oven is 40 degrees off. I bought the oven this way, and waited way too long to check its heat. Way past the point of a service call under warranty. Live and learn. 

I made brownies last night. It took longer to bake than I anticipated. Opening the oven door to a blobby brownie, not yet ready to devoured was frustrating! I think I need a second thermometer to know the heat all throughout the oven. Then I've got to look into fixing this oven myself. It won't get done on its own. And I'm tired of having to squat in front of the oven to check the thermostat, it may look cute, but sometimes I'm just ready to toss the food in there and get it done.   

But...everything propels me forward. The good, the meh, the worst. It's just getting me to the right place I am meant to be. 

Keeping a positive outlook,

Kathy 

Cetacean creature, how I love you

Whales are beautiful creatures.  A majestic cetecean marine mammals. 

I had the intention to send a whale that washed ashore at a beach, to the depths of the Ocean, where its resting place should be. 

I envisioned taking its body to the depths of the sea, slowly, letting its body fall, leaving the brightness of the sunlight as it dropped, gently. It arrived at the ocean floor, with a thud that scatters ocean floor debris around it. The darkness enveloping its body, I watch it decay, over time. Giving back to the Ocean, the same way it had given it's food, to it. It took seconds, minutes, but it gave me peace. 

...Today was the last meeting of an online ocean explorers workshop. It meets once a week. 

I missed last weeks. Today, I almost missed it again. I was busy with laundry. But when I finished, with 30 minutes left in a one hour class, I logged in. And there it was, the beautiful whale. 

The diagram of a whale, on the ocean floor, opening its mouth to eat the animals on the ground. It was the reverse of what I had envisioned weeks ago. It spoke to me of renewal. 

Having love for everything, even the things we don't understand, don't embody, is something I am trying to grow in myself. It gets you out of  your space, and into a space of giving. 

Did the whale go with me telepathically into its symbolic resting place? I think so. My intent to send it off with love and respect was there, and I know it wanted to rest there, too.

Have a wonderful day,

Kathy

Wild Mikes Ultimate Pizza (Bonus quick post)

I like to make pizza in the oven, often. 

In our family I've found I prefer thin crust and the family likes a good 'ol fashioned regular crust. My daughter prefers all cheese and everyone else wants pepperoni.

So finding a pizza everyone enjoys has not been easy, but also hasn't been terrible, 'cus pizza, yum! Buying pizza's that are made with good ingredients and free of preservatives is important to me. I may not be cooking it, but I do want to know what's in it.

I decided to search for pizza's that I haven't tried. Wild Mike's Ultimate Pizza definitely stood out. 

                                                               Wild Mike's Ultimate Pizza

The taste was delicious! Grownups and kids thought it tasted better than the rest of the pizza's we've had. It comes with flavor packages to enhance the already great flavor. The pizza is large, and will feed a family of 4 (or more depending on how many slices you'd like). I purchased mine at the Walmart Frozen food isle. 

I hope you give them a shot. 

Totally worth the purchase. 

Happy Eating, 

Kathy 

Car troubles

Man, I'm having some major issues with my Ford Escape. 

The transmission on the car is faulty, it's an intricate web of why did this happen to us. 

The possibility of Ford wanting to fix the car one more time, for the same exact issue, and not having the car around for over a month, AGAIN, is aggravating.

 But, it also got me up. It got me to research, plan and to STAND up for myself. 

To look at someone in the eye and say, this is wrong, and needs a remedy is kinda something I like to 

do. I've been told I should be a lawyer, I've been asked if I am a lawyer. 

I think I just like to talk.

But I've been out of talking to adults for years. I've been talking to children in pajamas. 

Children that don't want to eat, but play. 

Talking to adults about what you want, isn't easy or always pretty. Things hardly go like you envision them. Specially when you have to deal with dealerships and motor companies, and possibly lawyers. 

All this is leading me to a better place. I know it. I have to see the bright side, I had to laugh when they said the car WAS misfiring. I knew it, I felt it, even before the lights and the video evidence. The car was not right. 

I've never lawyered up. It scares me. But once again, I've got to stand up for myself. 

During our long conversation at the dealership, Mike put me in my place, he was right; I was talking at 

him. He said to me, What you want? A rental? No! I was over fighting over rental fees with them. I wanted them to say to me they knew this car was bad. 

Truth, ya, know? 

For someone to listen in kindness. 

The phone call from the mechanic told me I was right, and to stop replaying my performance in front of the service manager. My outrage and guts were on display. But for a good reason. 

I know I've gotta harness that energy, and to pause. 

I'll be ready next time. 

It's tyring to stand up for yourself, but YOU'VE got to do it.

 

Stay Blessed, 

Kathy

Let's Go!

It's been a while. I could explain, but how about we start fresh. We'll get to know each other and grow from there. My name is Kathy. I live in Los Angeles. I have a little family living in a part of the big city. Cities and miles seperate us. I was a teacher for a decade. I loved it. I hated it. I was young, green af af. Thankfully teaching has always been a blessing, even on the hard days, it got me to move forward. Shoved me, sometimes. I've tried to start writing again, but I think the rigidity of having to come up with something was too restricting. Writing is a passion, I used to copy song lyrics just because. I wrote stories when I was young, I asked for a typewriter as a gift for my 15th birthday. Typing now reminds me of the loud sound it made as I typed and of having to look for a strip to erase my mistakes. So, I'll pop on in here and tell you what interesting thing I read, or saw or heard. Maybe you might find it interesting, too. Have a blessed day, all day, everyday, Kathy