It's been good.
I have lay on the couch and relaxed for weeks. I do it for an hour or two when no one is home. It's quiet. A pandemic year and here we are finally alone with my thoughts.
I hadn't done that without being sad, ever.
I just wanted to remind myself that I don't have to DO!
Sometimes I regret not making this or doing that when she's napping and he's at school. I'll rush around when they are both in the living room, and maybe leave them on their own for an hour too long. But, the world keeps turning.
Two weeks ago I spoke to my therapist and she was upset. I think she was ready to cut me loose. She figures I found ways to cope since I am not having negative thoughts. She asked me if I thought I was ready to end therapy. HUH!!! I was not ready for that question. She seemed irate with me when I said I didin't know how to answer her.
I'm thankful for all the therapy Ive had, if the old me would of encountered that situation I don't know if I would have been able to shake it off. Not just that but also reflect, find humor, and understanding in her feelings and my own. Shoot, it isn't a bad thing! I am doing better.
Tomorrow is a full day. Maybe the last therapy and me! (dun, dun, dun). I also speak to my psychiatrist, whom I have not spoken to in months!
I am on 20mg of Lexapro. I'm feeling really good today, but a few days ago, around my period, I wasn't. Nothing is perfect. Nothing. Sometimes the perceptions of perfection are so distorted we lie to ourselves and hide the truth. Minds play tricks. Alas, nothing but inner work and kindness can change certain mindsets.
I'm rambling.
Have a wonderful Wednesday.
Love,
Kathy