I am mostly in my mind. Trying to hide?
I pray every morning for patience, the sun lights up my face and assures me it's all well.
But deep inside, I want something else. Selfish me. Not finished with A and wanting to run all the way to the end. But these almost 8 months have taught me that I don't have to wait for time. Time is now. It is never too late to be better.
I said something honest last night that I've been holding on to for months. I am not happy. The indifference and deflection are usual. But I won't take that, we are all responsible for our own words and actions. One cannot lead to the other without some type of reflection.
I want to be treated with kindness. Not told to do things. I typically just do whatever is asked. The less I talk, the faster you move on. But last night, I had to say it. Acting happy vs. actually being happy are not the same. In a marriage both adults have to work towards bettering themselves and thus hopefully the marriage.
Working through things is not my forte, but I am taking back my voice. It's not nagging, or being in trouble, it's about respect. It's about how to show affection and admiration. There isn't time to waste staying in old habits. It is time to act and behave with haste and compassion. React. Listen and show you care.
This world is so vast, and to tell you that the monetary working that make this world run aren't for me is so cliché, but man, do I want to run in fields of flowers and grass. I want to be alone with the trees. I want to bathe in the lakes.
Riches and bitches come and go, make room for self love and mental clarity.
Have a wonderful day,
Kathy