I never thought I would refer to myself as "Tubular" but oh me oh my, life has it's way of dealing with things.
After consulting with over four lactation consultants I was able to give my lack of milk production a reason...
I have "Tubular Breasts!"
And not in a good way.
Most breasts are round (I know not all, but for the sake of this blog, most boobs are) mine, on the other hand are longer. When I wear a bra my breasts look normal. A good B-Cup. When I don't wear bras, my breasts appear pointy. I had never noticed. I guess I was never into boobs. My husband had never mentioned anything either.
When I was pregnant my breasts did not grow much. I often read about women getting enormous boobs and unfortunately I didn't. Turns out my breasts don't have enough milk ducts to make a lot of milk, so there was no expansion. During my second trimester I felt them get bigger, but then they didn't seem to grow anymore. I then developed stretch marks on my breasts. Both of those are signs of a problem, I later learned.
One of the lactation consultant advised me to use herbal supplements to see if the milk flow increased. I used Fenugreek as well as Blessed Thistle. Blessed Thistle didn't work for me, but Fenugreek did. For over 4 months I took 9 fenugreek pills, three times a day. My pee, my pits, my sweat smelled like maple syrup (Fenugreek is used as an imitation flavoring for vanilla, butterscotch and maple syrup).
I never made much more than 4.5 ounces of milk, and that's combining both of my breasts!!! So discouraging. So, I decided to look into medication that might help me. The lactation consultant perscribed me Domperidone.
Domperidone is the only FDA drug sold in the United States that is prescribed to boost milk production. There are other medications that are used in other parts of the world, but unfortunately not sold in the U.S. Domperidone is not just used for cases like mine, instead it was found to help mothers after it was produced for other reasons. Some women taking the medicine for its intended method found that they started lactation and/or felt their breasts changing.
I was only prescribed the medication for 10
days. The first two days I was in heaven. It worked!! I remember sleeping with
my son as he fed on my breast. I felt the milk flow like never before. By day
three, I noticed a drop in production. It continued. After discussing the
results with my lactation consultant, I decided to go on another 10 day run.
Desperate mommy. The results were no different. The first two days were good
and then back to normal.
I cried so many times. Days of crying, feeling like an unfit mother. I was extremely hard on myself. My feelings of incompetence filled our home. Thankfully, my husband was encouraging and loving. Together, my son, my husband and I breastfed for over a year!!
If you are going through this, perhaps not tubular breasts, but through a lack of milk production, keep trying. What motivated me was the fervor in which my son demanded my breast milk! He loved it. As he got older it did get harder. I hardly made enough milk to merely satisfy his thirst. I did start to feel resentment when he would suck on my breast and quickly turn away because he knew it was not enough. About a month or two after that I decided to begin to ween. He is now 15 months and still misses breastmilk!! But it was the best thing for both of us. He wasn't feeling satisfied, which lead to major crankiness!! And I could finally be OK with being a Mom, no breastfeeding required for that!
I am happy I stuck it through. I know other women would have stopped and not gone to the lengths I have. That is also OK. Breastfeeding can be a real bitch! I tell you this because I feel like celebrities and organizations tout breastfeeding as if, if you do it, you "truly" care. That ladies and gents is not true. Please don't beat yourself up over it, too. Be happy that you have a baby to share life and love with. Breastfeed as best you can and enjoy life!! Time with your little one doesn't last forever. Don't spend your time feeling sad.
With so much love to give, it makes me cry!
-km