Sitting at the OBGYN on July 17th, minutes after my initial appointment, I waited for the doctor. As I sat in my "hospital" gown, I had plenty of time to look around. Right at eye level, a few feet away from me was one of those posters that show the growth of a fetus from day one, month one, to month nine. I kept thinking about where I might or might not be on that chart. How many months, or weeks could this little baby be? How would it feel to grow a person inside? Those thoughts came in between thinking what if it were dead inside of me now and if I would have to go through the process of getting our baby out if it were dead. As I sat and read each and every poster and stapled paper on the walls I caught something out of the corner of my eye. I followed what looked like flying mist until it disappeared. I had seen apparitions of that type before, actually quite a few times. I wasn't scared, maybe I was just seeing things that weren't there. Either way, I thought, "At least I'm not alone."
After finding out I was pregnant and the ultrasound showed that all looked normal, I left the doctors office and drove home holding my tummy. About 30 minutes after arriving home my phone rang. My brother was on the phone. He struggled to get it out, to tell me that my grandmother had passed away.
That took me back to the doctors office. The mist I had seen, my heart told me so, was my grandmother. She was telling me that I was not alone, that I was blessed to have this little baby inside, but also, to say good bye.
I told my brother my news. I told him how crazy it felt that the day I found out I was pregnant was the same day my grandmother passed away. Unfortunately I was torn about sharing the news with my Mom and Dad. I wanted to hold on to it longer, I hadn't even seen my fiance....Also, I felt immense guilt about finally getting married (we had been engaged for 3 years!) as a pregnant bride. I honestly felt shame. I didn't know how I would break the news to them without feeling like a total fool. My brain, I tell you!
I kept the secret for weeks, only to find out that on August 10th my uncle also passed. My dad's brother was now gone too. That made things even more delicate, at least in my eyes. Would I overshadow his passing by telling my family I was pregnant? Thinking about it today, perhaps I was using those passing as an excuses to not reveal my little secret. uffff!
I should not have waited that long. I made the mistake to telling a family member that I was pregnant. I trusted she wouldn't tell anyone. She did. That person then went and asked my parents if they were happy about my pregnancy. My parents were of course confused. Bless them, they never asked me. The person that told them was able to lie and make it sound like an embarrassing mistake on his part. I was really upset. My first kid and I wasn't the one to tell my parents first. Boo! I've learned my lesson.