If you have read my blog, perhaps you have read about my relationship with my youngest brother.
I don't believe I was a good sister. I could have been nurturing, but I would often choose not to engage. I don't believe I learned how to express love as a young child. So, although I cared about my brother, I would choose my own interests. Our baby sitter would put us against each other. He was not a calm child. So often, I was tasked with taking care of him, and it was hard. I was young, so as soon as I could, I wanted my own time.
Did we have a communicative relationship? No. But I did reflect and try to be a better sister as I got older. Yeah. Having kids, and suffering from PMDD turned me into a horrible version of myself, but as I sought help, my heart softened. Medication and therapy conversations helped my heart grow, too.
Over the years I chose to forgive harsh words, harsh interactions, for the sake of family. But therapy taught me I am not responsible for the words or actions of others. I am responsible for Kathy. For checking in on Kathy and reflecting on their words and actions. Not obsess. But feel; in the moment.
I was ready to call my parents that week. I was working up the dialog in my head. The words to use that would allow everyone to be heard. Deciding if I wanted to make bullet points but also knowing that would be too impersonal. I was scared of steering off course and stumbling upon a one sided argument with my mom.
But my brother text me. He text I was abandoning MY family. His level of manipulation was increasing as I was deciding on how to speak to my parents, with days turning into weeks and eventually many months.
He has always judged me and when able to, made me out to be a bad person. I've tried to give him advise, and ways to help himself. He's often had to apologize for his words. And I knew the last time we had argued, it was going to be the last. I didn't like the version of myself that day. The words I said or the way I yelled. If he was going to bring out the worst in me, it was time to stop communicating.
I sent him a text with my point of view, as concise and precise as possible. Told him his words were harsh and uncalled for. I was not going to take his behavior and look the other way.
Yes, he has reached out and I won't call back. I did text him not to come to my home.
Sometimes, people don't understand the value of others.
Take care,
Kat