Laughing, Showering & Pain

It was not until the after my C-Section that I began to feel like myself. I was talkative, moving around (mostly my arms and mouth) and enjoying time with my son. The little things were still extremely difficult. I was finally brave enough to attempt to sit, and that was painful. My husband helped me sit and we had lunch together. A nurse advised me to place a pillow horizontally over my belly (on top of my gown). She told me that would help with the pain if I moved too much or if I laughed.

OH BOY DID I LAUGH! My husband has always been a silly guy. He knows what to say and how to say it to make me CRACK up. It was so incredibly painful to laugh. I mean agonizing pain. I cried and laughed all at once. The pain did not get better until about two weeks after the procedure.

The first time I was asked to stand up and walk I was terrified!! It was so painful when I laughed and moved slightly, that the thought of actually getting up and moving around was freaking me out. I told my husband how I nervous I was feeling. He advised me to take it slow. So assisted by the nurse, I counted before I sat down. I counted when I was asked to swing each leg over the bed. I did so showing the pain my body was experiencing on my face. Grimacing as I moved, painfully slow. I counted as I mustered the courage to step down. When I finally had two feet planted on the floor, I was hunched over!! Boy was that the hardest part! Standing up straight!! My mind had me convinced it would be the most horrible pain I had ever experienced!!! And it was the worst pain I've ever felt!!
But then I just kept going. The medicine I was given helped too. After standing up, I shuffled around in my brown hospital socks. After some time I felt confident I could walk without help or being too scared of pain. I walked the best I could and held on to the IV machine and wheeled it around with me. The nurses happily encouraged me. That helped my ego a lot. I needed that encouragement to remember that I am a tough chica!

And then I decided to take a shower...

Everything was at level one speed inside the tiny restroom. I couldn't change fast enough. I was just taking off my gown and that hurt. I was scared of falling once the water started coming down the drain. I was shuffling my feet around while trying to keep a fresh wound clear of water and I found that to be very difficult. I couldn't bend more than a few inches, so taking a "real" shower was not a real option. It all felt too difficult in that little shower. I cried in there. I was in pain. I felt ugly, fat and sad. I still looked pregnant, something that I had not really thought about. When I slowly got out of the shower, still fearing I would slip and fall, I took a long look into the mirror and surveyed the damage. I looked sad. I looked pregnant. I looked pale. I wanted to put on makeup or put my hair up, but I also wanted to leave the tiny bathroom. Dressing was also a tough experience. Thankfully I had a new gown to slip into! I did not want to deal with shirts or pants or underwear. Like ever.

***

The same day I delivered my son there was another scheduled C-Section right after mine. She was literally being wheeled in to the operating room as I was going out (there was more than on operating room). It turned out that the she was placed in the delivery room next to mine. Our recovery times were off by about an hour and a half to two. After spending two days at the hospital I was released. As I was being wheeled out of the hospital we went by her room and heard her telling someone she was in pain.

....My advice is to know it will feel uncomfortable, painful and perhaps shocking. The whole experience is brand new, once! No matter if it's a C-Section or natural birth. Some parts will be easier than others. Either way, know that you are not alone. Everyone wants you and your baby to be safe and comfortable. At all times! If you don't feel well, or need anything, let a nurse know, or have a family or friend say something on your behalf.

Also, Recovery varies from person to person. You just never know how your body will tolerate such a procedure and what your mental state might be. I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone long enough to truly assess your pain tolerance. If it hurts like a mother...Stop! But if you realize you can give a little more, do so cautiously. Your willingness to try to work with your pain can be the difference between a day or more in the hospital.

Everyone's birthing experience is unique :)


Happily pain free,

-km

Skin to Skin and post surgery itchings

My son was born in a Kaiser in Southern California. From the beginning it was discussed that Kaiser encouraged mothers to breastfeed their newborns. This practice is often referred as Skin to Skin contact. Skin to Skin is the first step in the bonding process between mother and newborn. In my lamaze class I had the privilege of watching birthing videos that also included skin to skin contact. I watched with amazement as a newborn was placed near his mothers breast and the baby rooted (moved its head) towards the mothers nipple. The baby made an 'O' shape with his tiny mouth and reached her nipple. Soon enough he had found it and sucked.

    [Kindly take a look at the Skin to Skin video I have posted at the end of this blog]

When I was wheeled into the room where my husband and son waited I was promptly given my son. Even though the nurse was attaching things to my body I was told my son was ready to eat. My husband happily encouraged me to begin.  I honestly didn't know how to approach the situation. I felt like I was stuck to my hospital bed. I felt tied down. My legs were in a contraption that stimulates blood flow in the legs. It pulsed repeatedly. I'm not sure when I began to feel my legs again, but the pulsating was uncomfortable and made me anxious. Around the time I began feeling my legs I began to feel extremely itchy!!!!! Thankfully my nurse practitioner had warned me and told me that it was due to one of the medications I would be given. She warned me not to scratch. But...I could not help it!! My waist and sides were full of tiny and bloody scratches by the time they took the leg contraptions off. 

So while all those feeling are happening I am given my son to hold, cuddle and feed. Thankfully my son had a great latch. He was able to hold on to the nipple and suck and suck and suck. That should have been my first clue (link will direct you to an explanation). 

Having a C-Section was mind numbing. The first hours were foggy. I was groggy and weak. Nurses came every few hours to change my gigantic blood path. At first they worried about the amount of blood I was loosing, but as they monitored it they found that the bleeding stabilized. Oh man! Get read for nurses to be all over your vagina. They even changed one pad with my husband's family present! The nurses asked, of course, but I was in such an "I don't give a..." mode that I told them to change it then and there. Eeewww. 

So we are in the hospital for 2 1/2 days. During that time our son was washed by one of the nurses. She was FAST! I mean that in a "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy" sort of way. She had him in one hand and washed his back and head, then shifted him to her other hand, washed his front, clothed him, swaddled him and was done. All while giving my husband and I advice! We freakin' loved our nurses!

Yet, I will say that one nurse was not seasoned enough to have given us real advice when we needed it. At one point we couldn't get our son to stop crying. I wanted to feed him, but my husband had a strange reaction. He didn't want me too. He said he had been on me all day. I honestly couldn't remember. I know he said that out of love. Maybe even a bit of jealousy. The nurse happened to come in. She swaddled our baby and tried to calm him. Then said she couldn't offer more help and walked out. What? The obvious answer to that was...get ready for it...he was HUNGRY! (I eventually offered him breast and he took it). As new parents we were unable to decipher what he was trying to tell us. When the next one rolls around I'm so thankful we have a strong first born to show us the ropes.



 I was able to find this short video from CNN that shares the advantages of Skin to Skin

With Love, 

-km

Aaaah! The Realities of Writing

It's been hard to become motivated to write another post. I've thought about it many times. I've put it aside even more.

The next chapter in our baby story sucks. I just reversed gulped. What the heck? I suppose all this wants to come out. I just feel like I can't accurately write what happened after giving birth to our son.

Writing about that rehashes everything.

The realities of writing don't always hit me. The words often tend to flow. Thankfully.
Unfortunately, I don't allow myself to sit and write, as I used to.

Time to shake it off...

-km

P.S.
I've been listening to this song on repeat. It's a gem I discovered on The Eagles - Hell Freezes Over (Live) CD. In my opinion, this version is better than the original version found on the CD Hotel California :P