I write this blog post as a continuation of the previous post. I'm trying to take you on my journey from one room to another...from one mind set to the next.
You will see (**) throughout this post. I am clarifying on what happened in the operating room.
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Imagine yourself dressed in a light blue hospital gown, wearing a hair net, your feet covered by brown hospital socks. You are lying on a hospital bed and are being rolled from the room where you put your hospital gown on, to the operating room. The nurse kindly wheels your IV machine as well.
The walls on the way to the operating room are mostly bare. A bold, blue line rolls along with you, a touch of decoration for the common hospital. You hear the wheels of the bed turn on the beige ceramic tiles. You come to a brief stop at a huge door. The automatic doors open and reveal what looks like your typical TV or movie operating room. It comes along with the standard "The room feels cold" thought. It's a big room, roughly 800 sq ft.
You look around. You start by looking at the door you just came through. You see it by turing your head to your left. You hear your name. Your attention is turned to the nurses who are talking to you about preparing to be transfered from the bed you are on, to the operating table. You make a comment about being heavy. Everyone smiles, they've heard it before. It took little effort for a group of women to get you from point A to point B. You are on the operating table.
You continue to look around. To the right of the door there is a baby warmer, you figure it's the place where they will place your baby once its out. You continue on. You see the telltale instrument in any operating room, the big light. It's off. In the back you spot your name. You see your information, weight, notes, written on a dry erase board.
The anesthesiologist you spoke to earlier in the morning, comes to speak to you. He helps you sit so he can administer the spinal (common for a C-Section). As he prepares, you are asked by a nurse how you feel. You tell them you feel nervous. They say not to worry.
You feel the anesthesiologist touch your back. You nervously stiffen your body. He asks you to breath and relax. You feel the poke of a needle. The are he poked has your entire attention. You ask yourself if he did it right. He begins to ask you questions regarding his touch. He helps you lay down. A blue sheet is placed at about what you estimate is at arms length from your face. You are unable to see in front of you anymore.
The anesthesiologist extends both of your arms out. He straps them both down. Before you can ask why, he apologizes. He tells you he has to do it (in case you try to get up or remove the partition). Minutes later, perhaps as he studies you from afar, the anesthesiologist returns and offers to unstrap one arm. Based on your promise to remain calm. He tells you he could get in trouble. You thank him. Promise not to go crazy.
**
That was my arrival to the surgery room. All that happened, along with fear, stiffening and shaking of my body. Nothing that others would not expect. I was feeling many emotions. I grit my teeth now, I probably did it then. I've never been so nervous. I visualize every aspect of that room. It's etched in my brain.
How to convey what it felt like? Words do not take place for the sensory aspect of the experience...Know yourself. You'll be alone for some time (mostly in mind). If you tend to panic easily, I suggest you talk to you doctors and nurses before hand. The operating room is a place for decisive action. You are there to go in and to come out, safely. With a healthy baby and a healthy you. If you feel overwhelmed, then your baby and your team of doctors do too. Don't wait until the last minute to say how you feel.
I was extremely scared. I was scared of this human that was coming out of me to take over my life. I was scared of the operation. I had never broken a bone, never needed to visit an emergency room.
I cried. When I was laying down. Partition on. My hair in a hair net. I cried salty, scardy cat tears. But I knew I had this! I didn't know what would come next. What type of pain came along with it. I knew that others had gone through it and had been OK. Women are strong! Regardless if the baby comes through your vagina or through a battle scar.
In the operating room, as I lay thinking those sad thoughts and cried, I was asked the most on time question, ever! "Would you like me to play some music?" Music? I thought. I didn't think of it as even a remote possibility. F! yeah! Music!
**
The nurse asked what I wanted to hear. My body was shaking. I was hardly able to speak. My senses were heightened, but everything was thought. Not action.
She began to call out the artists she had on her phone (she knew I was having a hard time).
Then she said, "Selena?"
"Um, YES!" (Selena Quintanilla, the amazing Tejano music artist)
**
I love her. I love her! I remember coming home from elementary school and hearing the news she had died (to put it mildly). I cried. I was devastated. She was beautiful. A rose.
I wrote a Poem, dedicated to
Selena, on October 3rd 2012. A couple of years before the birth of my son. If you would like to read it, please click on the link above.
Back to a sunny morning in March...
**
As Selena was playing, my doctor walked in. He always had the same sing song voice when he said hello. He smiled and asked how I was feeling. I said I was Ok. He told me not to worry.
He then bagan to explain the procedure. He estimated it would take about an hour to finish. It would begin by him cleaning the area where the incision would be made. He explained that I would feel tugging, but he would warn me when that would happen. He also mentioned that he would ask a nurse to let my husband know when the right time would be to come in (he was not allowed to be in the operating room until my son was ready to be delivered). I also spoke to a female doctor that would be assisting him during the C-Section. I can't remember what was said after that. I think they updated the dry erase board. They also went through a checklist. A few minutes later, Dr. V came over to me, pulled down his mask and said, "We're ready." I smiled. He walked away, putting his mask back on his face.
I'll leave you with two Selena Songs. I hope you enjoy them.
-km
Selena Quintanilla - Song in Spanish
Selena Quintanilla - Song in English