So, keeping it 100 percent honest, I am a marijuana smoker. I have smoked since I was introduced to it when I was 15 years old. When I got pregnant with my children, I stopped cold turkey. I already felt so sick from morning sickness, not smoking was not a big deal. So I stopped twice in my life for roughly two years both times.
Well, I can tell you that stopping without being pregnant has been hard. I feel many withdrawal symptoms. It's hard to sleep at night. I toss and turn for at least 45 minutes before going to sleep. It used to take me second to fall asleep. When I go into the room and lay in bed with my thoughts, they are racing. Ugh, it sucks.
Then there's my appetite, I hardly have one. The usual food we buy or make at home just isn't tasting the same. I'm craving salads! I used to eat salads in my 20's, I was a vegetarian for about 10 years. It's like that part of me wants to come back. Enough munchies, Kat, eat healthy...
Ufff, I bought Starbucks today, and I was scared to drink it because food isn't tasting flavorful. I'm tasting one dominant flavor over the rest, instead of enjoying the entire bite. Today I made guacamole. All I could taste were the chips and cilantro. When I just ate the guacamole with a spoon, it tasted more like guacamole. Who can eat guac without chips???
Turns out its all totally normal. It could take upward of 2 weeks for me to get my appetite back, as well as my sleep cycle returning to normal.
I've had this nagging feeling that feels like a hangover since I've stopped.
BUT
I've been more present with my kids. Playing, hugging. I used to want to be alone. Just, I guess, enjoying the high. But I was loosing time. I never smoked around my children. I had a room to go to and would take a break and smoke. Never taking too long, but I acknowledge I had to sneak around to smoke.
Today, I feel better. I'm craving less fatty foods, and I think because of that I feel less bloated. I feel my confidence growing as I see myself letting go of something I loved, but also something that was not helping us out financially. A jar of weed can cost a couple of dollars or $80+ depending on the level of THC (what gets you high in marijuana) you want. Although we aren't struggling, we need to focus on where our money is going. Is it making our family better? Is in the forefront of our thinking.
Earlier today I felt angry about something, but it went away after I stated my frustration. No feeling in my chest, just speaking, and letting go. Could it be because I stopped smoking? Maybe.
I'm taking all this day by day. Do I crave it? Sometimes. But we can do hard things, and I'm doing the damn thing.
Have a wonderful day,
-love, Kat.